As I ring in a key milestone today – our little Emily turning 2 weeks old – I thought it appropriate to encapsulate a list of the top 10 signs that I am a brand new and very sleep-deprived mom. This list isn’t exactly about eating when you’re hungry or listening to your body (I’m doing the former, but not the latter, given that all my body is saying now is GET SOME SLEEP), but I find the following list worth posting anyway.
Most of these things (minus number 6, which brought my husband and I to the ground in laughter the first time it happened) have not been funny in the moment of impact, but in retrospect, I guess they are fairly comedic. Here goes….
1. Boob Lube. My entire life now revolves around two sources of food sitting atop my chest – and the care (read, expensive products) that goes into keeping my girls happy, healthy and producing milk for my munchkin, is beyond anything I’d ever imagined.
2. Dead Car Battery. Earlier this week, I discovered that my car battery was dead after gearing up for over an hour to get out of the house for one errand (to which my mom was going to drive me, as I can’t get behind the wheel yet). Reason for dead battery – light was left on (by sleep-deprived mommy) in the backseat.
3. Meals A-Flying. Last night, all I wanted was broiled chicken breasts, green beans and biscuits and I was determined that 13 days into motherhood, I could pull this off. I will commend myself for pulling it off (and the end result was surprisingly delicious), but that was after I literally dropped the chicken and the pyrex pan in which it was sitting, into the stove. The pan ended up face down on the open oven door, with the raw chicken breasts slammed against the oven window. Hubby was called in for the rescue, and the meal was saved.
4. SYTYCD….the 24-hour show. It now takes me at least 24 hours to get through one episode of my favorite show, So You Think You Can Dance.
5. DVD Pause Button Wearing Down. During the last two weeks, our DVD player has taken on a new function – teaching us what the heck we’re doing with various baby products. At the end of week 1, my hubby and I were on hands and knees with our munchkin atop one of her many swaddle blankets (see image above), watching the Luna Lullaby DVD explaining how to swaddle appropriately. We had a lovely orchestra of screaming adorable-munchkin to help set the mood, and we paused after each step was taught to practice it ourselves. One week later, Emily is sleeping soundly in a top-notch double-swaddle as mommy writes this post.
6. Projectile Poop. I’ve now officially caught in my hand both poop and barf. That alone qualifies for a good present for my first mother’s day next year.
7. White Noise = One of Life’s Biggest Joys. That’s right, the white noise maker we bought on Amazon during week 1 is definitely up there on my list of favorite products. It helps during the swaddling process to calm our munchkin…..which in turn helps keep mommy and daddy sane.
8. Diaper Diva. Yes, our little girl is a diaper diva. Her first 24 hours at home filled an entire Diaper Genie II with dirty diapers.
9. New Vocabulary. Most frequently used words include: swaddle, wet, swaddle, dirty, swaddle, hungry, swaddle, poop, swaddle. Get my drift?
10. Love Takes On New Meaning. It baffles my mind that I can love someone so much and so unconditionally, particularly given that this someone poops and barfs on me, keeps me up all night long and produces the above top 10 list. But I guess that’s how parenthood works. I’m in love with my little girl. And that’s that.
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