Reader Question: What if I Want to Eat When I'm No Longer Hungry?

I have heard from many Eat When You’re Hungry readers, “Maggie, I’ve done such a great job of eating mindfully. I tasted every delicious morsel of food at dinner and I even stopped when I was full. But then I got anxious (or sad, or bored, or tired, or excited...or fill in the emotion that applies to you), and though I wasn’t hungry, all I wanted to do was eat. HELP! What do I do? I only know how to soothe myself with food.”

Excellent question! This is probably one of the most common questions that comes up among people who are on the journey toward a non-dieting way of life. Particularly among those of us who have come to rely on such a wonderful companion -- food -- for so long.

The first step toward learning how to soothe yourself without using food (when you’re not hungry) is to stop, pat yourself on that back and say, “Wow, at least I got to where I am today even if it took a hundred sleeves of Oreos to get here." That’s right, I want you to acknowledge where you are today.

We need to accept and celebrate where we are today and where we’ve come from in order to get to where we want to be -- free from food restrictions and enjoying a non-dieting way of life!

The first thing I suggest to those wishing to release their reliance on food to soothe their emotions is the following: make a list of your top 10 favorite things to do. Some examples are getting a manicure and pedicure, pouring a cup of tea and curling up on the couch with your favorite book, going to the movies, calling your friends, playing with your kids, getting a massage, having a dance party for one in your bedroom, cleaning your closet, going for a walk, playing Tetris or jumping on your trampoline.

Now that you have this list you’re going to use it. I know just as well as you do that at some point soon you will find yourself standing in front of the refrigerator listening to an inner monologue that goes something like this. “I’m not hungry, but I want to eat. I’m bored, and this brownie will perk me up, or maybe I’ll have ice cream, or there’s that leftover pizza. Shoot, but I’m not hungry! What do I do? ” Ah - ha! This is what you do. You close the fridge, get out your list of self-soothing activities and choose one to engage yourself in for the next half-hour. This may feel funny at first, and you may feel sad to give up the ice cream sundae that you weren’t hungry for -- at first. But just remember, that ice cream sundae and that pizza will be waiting for you in the fridge/freezer just as soon as you’re hungry for them. And they’ll be so much more enjoyable when you’re eating them with an appetite in your belly.

Do you want to know a secret? You might always feel a little sad to turn down food that you want when you’re not hungry. Just the other night after finishing a tasty dinner of meatloaf and veggies, I wanted to eat a bowl of ice cream. But I knew I wasn’t hungry for it. The meatloaf I made was quite filling, and I just didn’t have room for ice cream at that particular moment. I was thinking about the ice cream for a good 10 minutes while we started catching up on The Daily Show from the week prior, but by the end of the first show, I’d forgotten entirely about the ice cream. And that’s what you’ll find happens with you. You won’t necessarily not think about eating when you’re not hungry, but you’ll learn how to self-soothe without food. And in the process, you’ll tap into an inner strength you never knew you had.

I hope this has helped shed some light on the common question about eating when you’re not hungry. Write to me and let me know what your experience has been with this. And remember, eat exactly what you want, when you’re hungry, and stop when you’re full.

Close Your Eyes

First off, I am so sorry for not blogging for over a month! I can't believe it's been that long, but the time-stamp on my last post says Jan. 25, so I guess somehow February flew by without me blogging. Yikes. Sorry about that.

Now that I'm back at work full time doing the juggle, my blogging has clearly slowed down, but stick with me -- I hope to ramp back up starting now. I have tons of posts in my head, and I am committed to finding the time to get them out on "paper" and up on this site as often as I can. Which brings me to the title of this post.

Have you ever tried closing your eyes when you eat? It sounds a little silly and actually doing this at home -- and certainly in public -- might feel bizarre, but I recommend trying it.

Every time my husband and I eat sushi, Jeremy closes his eyes. No, not throughout the entire meal, but during his savoring of each piece of sushi. I have to admit, this practice has sometimes embarrassed me. Sushi chefs have looked at him wondering if he's okay, and I've wondered where to focus my attention as I'm eating with my eyes wide open while he's having quite an experience in his mouth with his eyes closed.

Because Jeremy always looks euphoric with his eyes closed, sushi dancing around in his mouth, I had tried it many times before, but usually opened my eyes too quickly out of self consciousness from doing this in a public place (with sushi chefs mere feet away). I don't know why it made me feel so funny, but it did.

Well, this past month -- on Valentine's Weekend, I did it. Finally. For real. We were eating dinner at Koi, a hip, happening high-end restaurant in L.A. that has two of my most favorite dishes in the city: creamy rock shrimp tempura and spicy tuna on crispy rice. As we were eating these dishes during an early Valentine's celebration, no one was hovering over us and the tastes in my mouth were so overwhelmingly delicious that I couldn't help it: I had to close my eyes.

The food was just too delicious not to close my eyes. Does that make sense? It's as if taking in any distractions or sensations other than what I was taking in through my mouth would have diminished my experience. And that, I tell you, is true pleasure in eating. Ever since then, I've tried closing my eyes for bites here and there just so I could fully be present to the food in my mouth. It's a wonderful way to connect with yourself while you're eating, and tune into the experience fully.

All I can say is: I highly recommend it. Whenever you're eating a special meal (or any meal, for that matter), try closing your eyes. Don't worry about whether or not someone catches you. I promise, when you experience your food with your eyes closed, eventually you won't care what, if anything, others are thinking about you. In fact, through the experience you may discover an entirely new relationship with your food.

So there you go. I'm back online blogging. Here's a well-deserved shout-out to my hubby for teaching me this wonderful lesson.

**Note: the picture above is not from Koi (we forgot to take photos there). It's a picture of the spicy crunchy shrimp tempura roll at Hirosuke in Encino**